I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
