this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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