Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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