Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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