I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
is that a dick in a sweater?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
