My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
