whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
