True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's like iHOP with fire
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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