she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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