I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Plan B is the new Plan A
Me. At least after what I've been through.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
