just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
