he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
