when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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