got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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