well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize