I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
