He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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