Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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