Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
