you're like a bully in the Christmas story
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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