Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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