He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
