Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
