after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
