i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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