my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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