I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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