Tell her she can't have a vagina
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
