Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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