She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am available for nakedness
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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