That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
