she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
