you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
