Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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