Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
