i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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