I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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