No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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