New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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