It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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