what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
