i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
