Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
