I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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