Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
