Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
