I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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