Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
