After last night, I could never be a politician.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
please don't ironically join a cult
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