I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was like eating out sand paper
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
