I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
