Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
