I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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