I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
