I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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