so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
