i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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