The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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