history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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