you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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