Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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