turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
