Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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