in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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